I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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