At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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