birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
