You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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