I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
