When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
