so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
