Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
