Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
