I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
