lets start a swedish sibling band together
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
