its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
