how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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