Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
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