I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
