goodnight i made you a song goodbye
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
