they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
