you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
