I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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