I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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