3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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