Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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