I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
