I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
