i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
