If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
