Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
