You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
