At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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