Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
