So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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