Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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