Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
