We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
