Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I didn't notice because vodka
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
