you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
