i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
high people should be assigned attendants
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
