Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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