you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
