Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
