it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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