my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
