It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
