And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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