and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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