we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
