And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
