I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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