please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
