ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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