i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
